Revision of old writing

Original

Through my upbringing on a farm, I have become attached to animals, primarily large animals.  I’ve been told I was milking cows as soon as I could walk.  Instead of going to kindergarten, I helped my father on the farm. On multiple occasions I have had the opportunity to watch veterinarians at work up close, and have developed an affinity for what they do. There is a variety of jobs do be done on large animals such as cows and sheep, including treating a sick animal, helping out if there are complications with birth, sowing open wounds and giving medicine to prevent diseases. I was also fortunate enough to spend a year as a dog handler in the Norwegian Air Force. I had the same dog for ten months and grew very close.  Every day we did a basic check of our dog, the purpose of it was both bonding and most important of all; to make sure the dog was in good condition. I experienced my dog being bit by one of the other dogs in our department, and consequently having to go to the vet where I observed the veterinarian sow stitches where she was bit.

Revision

While I grew up on a farm, I became attached to animals—primarily large animals. I helped my father with work on the farm instead of attending kindergarten.

I have multiple times observed veterinarians during work, causing me to become interested in the profession. There is a variety of jobs to be done on large animals such as cows and sheep. These include the following: treating a sick animal, assisting complicated births, sowing open wounds and giving medicine to prevent diseases.

While I served as a dog hander in the Norwegian Air Force, I worked with the same dog for ten months. We became attached BECAUSE OF ALL THE TIME WE SPENT TOGETHER. Every day we did a basic check which served the following purposes: bonding with the dog and making sure it was in good condition. One time, my dog was bit by another dog in the department. We quickly brought her to the veterinarian where I observed the procedure of sowing stitches.

The paragraph I’ve used is from a paper I wrote in a class I took while I attended Western New Mexico University. I quickly noticed that I started multiple sentences with “I…”, which I in some cases have tried to mix up to create more variety. In the first sentence, I used the dash to emphasize that I’m primarily interested in large animals. WHILE I’VE PREVIOUSLY BEEN CRITICAL OF USING COLONS, I used a colon twice in the revised paragraph. Another pattern I noticed in this paragraph—and the whole paper for that matter—is the overuse of prepositional phrases. My only logical explanation is that I was having a hard time meeting the minimum page requirement and consequently used unnecessary fillers. In the revision I’ve replaced the prepositional phrases with verbs or phrases that are more direct. In my eyes it did not look right to transform the prepositional phrases into adverbs or adjectives such as the Lanham Method recommends.

What are the components to a compound-complex sentence, and can someone please give an example of one? I did not get around to write it down during class.